Hypocrite
by scarlettx9000
Summary: Omegaverse Killugon Fic
1. Chapter 1- You're kind of a hypocrite

"You're kind of a hypocrite you know" he said drying the dish she just handed him with a tea towel before slotting in into the cupboard

"What are you getting at Killua?" She replied, brows knitting together in irritation

"Don't get your panties in a twist Lex, I'm not trying to start a fight, just making an observation"

"About?"

"Well" Killua started, hopping up onto the kitchen counter and crossing his legs "it's just you claim to be a 'proud omega' yet you won't go a day without taking your pheromone suppressants and you tell pretty much everyone that you're a beta"

If looks could kill Killua would have tumbled to the ground there and then, Lex's expression softened after a few seconds, she could never stay mad at him "why are you suddenly so curious? It never bothered you before" she said looking back over her shoulder at Killua while she poured two glasses of red wine, she turned to hand him one before propping her self up on the counter opposite him and gulping down almost half of her glass

Killua swilled his wine around his glass for a moment before taking a sip and humming in appreciation "it's not that I'm bothered, it just doesn't make much sense"

"Iamproud of being an Omega" she defended whilst sitting her glass down on the counter next to her "well, I am now anyway... It's just no ones business you know? If people knew I was omega they'd treat me differently, either like I'm some poor helpless creature or a disposablesex toy" her face screwed up on the words, like they left a bad taste in her mouth, it was no secret that Lex despised Alpha's, and some Beta's for that matter "besides" she continued "you're one to talk, you're as uptight with your pheromone suppressants as I am. Excluding the guys you fuck I'm the only person who knows you're an omega"

"Well I kind of have to" Killua retorted "I'm a hunter, if people knew I was omega I'd never get any jobs, not to mention my family would pitch a fit, and I don't really feel like dealing with any of that, so I have an excuse"

"You're in the exact same boat as me!" Lex bit back

"Hardly, you work in a bar, if you came out it'd probably be good for business"

"What so desperate alphas could pine after me all night? No thank you. They make me sick as it is, I'd sooner crawl back into a cave and live out my days there rather then letting themscentme and proceed to battle out which one of them can take me home"

Killua chuckled at that, taking another sip of his wine "there not all bad you know"

"I beg to differ"

The conversation mellowed out after that, they drank more and chatted for the next few hours, mostly reminiscing on the last few years they'd spent together, Killua noted that Lex bought up the cave and he mentioned it again in conversation, that is how they found each other after all.

They were both 16 when they met.

Killua had been travelling alone after his younger sister Alluka opted to go to boarding school, he was beginning to suffocate her with his over protectiveness and she wanted to feel some kind of freedom for the first time in her life, she made some friends in one of the towns that they'd spent the summer hanging out in, some girls her age who attended the nearby school, it was an elite school, and very expensive, hence why Killua had to take so many jobs. He saw how well her and the other girls got along, it made him happy and maybe just a little bit jealous. It was a difficult decision, parting ways with Alluka wasn't easy, for a long time it had just been the two of them and he loved that. At Killua's insistence they decided it'd be best if Alluka changed her name, she goes by 'Lola' at school, she dyed her hair pink and she wears brown contact lenses, she's almost unrecognizable now, Killua felt a twisting in his gut the first time he saw her like that, until he realized she was still the same Alluka, and she'll always be his baby sister. She was gonna live at the school from now on, she'd be sharing a room with one of the girls she met over the summer, there the only ones who knew her true identity, and after spending some time with them and grilling them a few times Killua decided he trusted them, he was glad she made friends so easily, despite spending most of her life in solitude it turns out Alluka's some what of a social butterfly, she quickly became popular at the school, and she was blossoming into something beautiful, she didn't look like a child anymore, far from it, she was catching up to Killua in height, she'd lost the roundness of her cheeks, her features had started to change and her body was developing into that of a woman's, Killua mentioned one day that Illumi could walk past her in the street and he'd never recognise her, she wasn't the child he'd remember her as. That's when Alluka pointed out the obvious, something she'd been keeping in since they'd made this decision, she was afraid of hurting Killua's feelings and she hated the idea of being far from him because she loved her big brother, more than she'd ever loved anyone, but it had to be said "Oni-chan, he will recognise me, he'll always recognise me as long as I'm with you"

The realisation hit him like a ton bricks,of course Illumi wouldn't recognise Alluka, but he would undoubtedly recognise Killua, as long as he was by her side Alluka would always be at risk, if Alluka was going to stay here then Killua would have to leave this town. He'd originally planned on staying in the apartment they'd spent the summer occupying, that way he could hang out with Alluka after school and on the weekends, but if she was gonna be able to stay here then Killua would have to leave, it hurt but he loved his sister and her happiness was the most important thing in the world to him. So he'd move far away, she'd come home to him over Christmas and Summer but it wasn't enough. Leaving was hard, it wasn't the first time Killua had to walk away from someone who meant the world to him, and just like that Killua was alone.

He moved to a city that bordered a vast forest, he'd sometimes wonder there, walking cleared his mind and it was peaceful in that forest, well it usually was until one day he was walking by a waterfall, it was a beautiful waterfall it was small in comparison to the other ones he'd seen, there was something peaceful about it, what wasn't peaceful was the sound of someone crying and screeching loudly, he looked around for the source of where the sobbing was coming from and had it not been for his keen eye he may not have noticed the cave tucked behind the stream of the waterfall, he was about to leave when an all to familiar smell greeted his senses, he knew that scent all too well, that was the smell of an Omega in heat. He knew because he'd presented omega himself almost a year ago, he was travelling with Alluka when it happened and it shook his world, he was certain that he would present Alpha, his whole family were Alpha and everyone had told him that he had all the right traits, it made sense though, how he was so protective over Alluka, how he almost mothered her, that realisation didn't come to him untilafterhe presented. He knew the cries coming from that cave were the cries of an omega in pain, the kind of gut wrenching, stomach twisting, blinding pain that an omega experiences when they go into heat and don't have an Alpha to relieve the ache.

He wasn't sure what he was going to find when he entered that cave, but it still surprised him when he found a girl who looked no older than him curled up on the cold wet ground clawing at her stomach and screaming at him to"GET OUT"

He didn't leave though, instead he walked over to her and held her while she cried, she'd have ran if she could but she was too weak to move and Killua took this opportunity to study her closer, at this proximity he could tell she was definitely about his age, despite the state she was in he could tell she was very pretty, she was slender and tall, he could make out green orbs beneath long lashes and teary eyes, her skin was golden and she had very long very dark hair, in fact, she kind of reminded him of...he mentally scolded himself and shook that memory out of his mind

"what's happening to me?" she cried

Oh,thought Killua, she doesn't understand what's happening...this must be her first heat, she's presenting and she doesn't even know it

She screamed at him when he told her what was happening and if she had the strength she'd have torn his throat out for saying something so ridiculous

"I'm not a fucking omega" she forced out between sobs "I can't be! This isn't fair"

Any thoughts Killua had of leaving this stranger here to wait out her heat quickly subdued.

He never thought they'd become so close, even as he carried her shaking body back to his apartment and especially after she tried to attack him for suggesting he go and find an Alpha to fuck her heat away.

His apartment was big, he'd bought one with three bedrooms that way when Alluka came to stay there would be enough room for her and her friends if she decided to bring them along. He settled Lex into one of the bedrooms and took care of her for the remainder of her heat, they didn't talk much during those two weeks, Lex mostly cried and slept and Killua would bring her food and fresh clothes. It wasn't until after her heat subdued that they started to really get to know each other.

Lex had insisted on leaving after it was over, she was embarrassed that someone had to look after like she was a child, it made her feel weak, and she was anything but weak, but upon learning that she had nowhere to go Killua insisted she stay until she figured out what she was going to do.

Killua told her about his family of assassins, about his childhood and all the terrible things he had to go through, he told her about how he escaped and how he met a boy that changed his life, he told her about all his adventures and about Alluka.

And in turn, Lex told him everything about her

Her earliest memories were of the orphanage, she can't remember anything before that. It was a hellish place, the children were terribly neglected and often beaten. She learned early on that it wasn't a good idea to make any friends, as soon as she started getting close to another child a family would come along and adopt them, no one ever came for her though, Lex had a terrible temper and a venomous tongue, this left her too battered and bruised for the orphanage staff to allow her to be seen by the would be parents who came to visit, and when she would be presented she did nothing to bite back the malicious words she spat at them, most of the hopeful couples that came only spared a glance for the beautiful children, Lex would often be approached only to send them scurrying away in the opposite direction once she gave them a piece of her mind.

She was 13 when she ran away and as her feet bounced off the pavement below and the wind blew her hair back she wondered why she hadn't done this sooner, until her legs tired from running and her stomach growled and she realised she had nowhere to go.

It wasn't long before she met Rico, he was sweet and kind and gentle, his hair was grey and he had deep wrinkles either side of his mouth from decades of laughter, he owned a small coffee shop on the other side of town, he gave her a job working there and let her stay in the one bedroom apartment above the shop. Rico had no children and Lex quickly became the daughter he never had, and Rico became the father she never knew she wanted. Being here was the first real happiness Lex ever tasted, it was 3 years later when that happiness turned to ashes in her mouth.

Rico would usually leave the shop every evening to go home and Lex would lock up and go to sleep upstairs, but that night he stayed, he'd been acting strange all day, when the last customer left Rico locked the door behind them and before Lex could question him she was lying on her back on the shop floor and Rico was on top of her unbuckling his belt and unzipping his trousers, it took her a moment to even realise what was happening and when she looked up at him he wore an expression that she'd never seen before, it was hungry and animalistic and she felt as if she was looking into the eyes of a stranger, when his hands found the waistband of her trousers and started tugging Lex conjured a part of her that she'd long buried and before Rico could catch his breath from being flipped onto his back Lex was on top of him crying hysterically while her fists pounded into his face, once he was unconscious Lex unlocked the door and ran, she ran until her feet bled and even then she carried on running, she found herself in a forest and only stopped to stand still when she felt as if someone had reached into her stomach and was twisting at her guts.

It wasn't until after Killua had found her and explained that she was presenting that it clicked, Rico was an Alpha and Lex had started releasing pheromones that sent him into a frenzy. That was when her hatred for Alphas was born.

They emptied the last of the wine bottle into their glasses, after spending the evening reminiscing they'd lost track of time and it was getting pretty late.

"we should probably get to bed" Lex mused as she sipped from her glass "you've got to be up early to get to that job"

Killua looked a bit panicked at that and Lex raised her eyebrow in question

"I guess I got a little side tracked, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about" Killua said and he breathed in deeply

"Is something wrong?" Lex replied, concern evident in her tone

"Not exactly, it's just, there's not really a job, I mean there is...technically, it's just not my job, it's complicated, well, the thing is...I..."

"Spit it out Killua"

"I'm going to see Gon"


	2. Chapter 2 - I can do this

"Gon's gonna be there?" Lex questioned

"Yes" Killua retorted a bit too quickly

"As in THE Gon, the Gon who broke your heart, who hasn't even spoken to you in almost two years?!"

"Yep...that Gon"

"What? How?! Why's he gonna be there? You don't need the money that bad right? Just don't go" Lex suggested

"The thing is" Killua began "I kind of planned this whole thing, Gon doesn't know I'm gonna be there"

"Have you lost your fucking mind Killua? Nothing good can come from seeing him"

"I can't explain it but I just have to see him, you wouldn't understand" Killua spat back

"What don't I understand Killua? He's an asshole! Don't you remember all the shitty things he said and did!"

Killua's expression quickly changed from defensive to defeated, pain evident behind his eyes "Of course I remember"

Killua laid in bed, bored and restless, Lex had started working at this bar and was gone most nights, he plucked his phone off his nightstand and flicked through his contacts, his thumb hovered over a certain name, he really wanted to hear his voice, but he had a feeling he was coming off a bit needy, they spoke a lot these days, and Killua didn't want to irritate him by ringing him for the third time that week, he couldn't get him off his mind though, especially now that he knew he'd be seeing him in less than two weeks, Killua had been putting off the reunion since he settled in this city, it's not that he didn't want to see him, he did, desperately, but he didn't want to lie to his face, he can manage it over the phone, but it's different in person, he's not even sure why he told him he was Beta, he wanted to confess so many times but when he called Killua one day exited and almost yelling down the phone that he'd presented Alpha, it just made Killua feel that much more smaller and he couldn't bring himself to tell the truth, but now he was going to see him in person after all these years so he had no choice but to be honest. He breathed in and hit the call button before pressing the phone to his ear

"Killua! I'm so glad you called, I was just thinking about you, I didn't think you'd be up this late, wait...why are you calling so late? Is something wrong?!"

His voice was like honey, it was deep and delicious and it did terrible things to Killua's head, but this was his best friend, he shouldn't feel like this about him, that was one confession Killua would take to his grave

"No Gon, nothings wrong, I was just bored and thought I'd call, you weren't sleeping were you?"

"Oh, good! You had me worried for a second. Nah I wasn't sleeping, I was out with some of the guys, we went to some dive of a bar but it sucked so I came home, I was just making some coffee. You must get bored a lot in that apartment, I'm glad I have a roommate, I don't think I'd like living alone"

"Huh? Oh I guess it never came up before, I don't live alone, Lex lives with me, anyway, what was up with that bar, you usually love going out"

"...Killua who's Lex?"

"Lex? Hmmm, well she's really cool, we met a while ago, she's at work right now though, you'll get to meet her when you come to visit. So, the bar? How come it sucked"

"Oh, ummm, it wasn't so much the bar it was the people, there were a couple of omegas who wouldn't leave me alone, I can handle it most of the time but I was tired tonight and just wanted to have a few beers with the guys, but they wouldn't back off and it started to piss me off so I left. So you and Lex? Are you like close?"

"But you're an Alpha, don't you like omegas? And yeah sure, were pretty close, she wouldn't be here if we wasn't"

"ummm, well unless I'm in a rut I don't really like hanging out with omegas, there so desperate and slutty"

Ouch...that stung

"Killua? Are you still there?"

"...y-yeah I'm still here, sorry, I got distracted...Gon?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you like, hate omegas or something?"

"I wouldn't say I hate them, it's just, wait, why are you being so defensive over omegas? You're Beta it shouldn't bother you"

"I'm not being defensive, it's just that I..."

"You what Killua?"

"Nothing, it's fine, forget I said anything"

"Oh, shit s-sorry Killua I wasn't thinking, erm, Lex is Omega right?"

"What? How the hell did you know?!"

"Well, I just guessed, figured that's why you were offended, it makes sense. I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. Erm Killua, I...I have to go, goodnight"

Gon hung up before Killua could protest, he felt like his heart was gonna spring free from his chest from how hard it was beating, his breath caught in his throat and before he knew it his vision had blurred from tears and he was sobbing into his pillow

Gon hates Omegas, I'm an omega, he thinks I'm disgusting and slutty...he doesn't even like hanging out with omegas! Were supposed to be best friends. How am I supposed to tell him now?

Killua text him the next day, Gon was acting so strange on the phone last night, he wanted to make sure things wouldn't be weird when they met up, even after the ugly things Gon had said Killua still wanted, no, needed to see him, he'd been dreaming of this reunion since the day they parted ways and it had to be perfect, they'd decided on a date, time and meeting place weeks ago, in the park a couple streets over from Killua's apartment, next to the fountain. But Gon didn't text back that day, or the next day, or the day after that, he never answered any of Killua's calls and Killua started to panic

Does Gon not want to see me anymore? No it can't be, he was so exited when I suggested it, maybe he just lost his phone, he'll still turn up...he has to.

Killua did his best to calm the butterfly's in his stomach when that fateful day finally came round, he changed his outfit a grand total of 14 times, he spent the better part of 3 hours styling his hair and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop his hands from trembling, but despite the nerves, he was happy, he'd get to see his best friend again. They agreed on 7PM but knowing Gon he'd get there early so Killua decided he'd go and wait for him an hour earlier than they'd arranged to meet so he could be there first and that'd give him time to collect himself before Gon got there.

7PM rolled by quickly, Gon's never usually late, something might have come up though, so Killua waited, it was cold and the sky was greying, Killua tucked his hands into his jacket pockets, he considered running home to grab a scarf and gloves but knowing his luck Gon would turn up the moment he left, so he stayed, and watched his watch

8PM...9PM

He'd been here for 4 hours and it was starting to rain, he panicked for a moment, thinking that Gon might not show, but he'd never do that to him. By the time 10PM came the rain was pouring down hard and Killua's fingers were numbing from the cold, but he'd wait all night long if that's what it took to see Gon again. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he carefully pulled it out using his other hand to shield the screen from the rain, it was a text...from Gon.

'I'm sorry Killua, I can't do this, please don't reply, we shouldn't talk anymore'

"Killua" Lex started "This is a really bad idea, you were such a mess after what he did, how do you even know he's gonna be there"

"I know I'm an idiot but I just can't accept that things have turned out this way, If he never wants to see me again I need him to say it to my face, otherwise it'll just keep eating away at me. I took a job as a bodyguard for this guy last year at this political rally, I got a message off of his assistant a couple weeks back asking if I'd come back for this years rally, I didn't reply for a few days and by the time I got round to calling him to accept the job he told me he'd already hired some other hunters, some guy named Felix and another called Gon...It's like fate, you know? Cus what are the odds of this even happening! I called up the hotel down the street from where the event was happening, I said my name was Gon Freecs and I was calling to check my room had been reserved and they confirmed it had and told me the room number, he can't ditch me this time cus I know where he's gonna be so he'll have no choice but to talk to me"

"Killua this is crazy, can't you hear how you sound"

"I know! I know I sound like I've lost my mind! But I have to do this! Lex please try to understand"

"I don't understand, it doesn't make any sense...but, if you feel like you need to do this then I support you 100% I can come with you if you want, I could take a couple nights off work"

"No, I need to do this on my own"

They retired to bed before long and said teary goodbyes in the morning. Lex waved Killua goodbye from the balcony while he got into the cab and cursed herself for not being able to stop him from making this mistake.

Killua was calm on the drive down to the hotel where Gon would be staying, he knew Gon wouldn't be through with his job until evening so he'd booked a room for himself and made sure it was the one next to Gon's, that way he could listen out for when Gon returned. Killua checked into his room so he could relax and ready himself before he confronted his ex-bestfriend

He took a long breath and told himself...

I can do this


	3. Chapter 3-Are you trying to piss me off?

Killua realises not long after he checks into his room that maybe he got here a little earlier than he needed to. He's already spent the last two hours watching shitty day time TV and he figures he's got at least another 5 hours before Gon gets back, and it hits him, he's going to see Gon today, there's no turning back, suddenly his palms are sweaty and he's trying to think of an excuse he can tell himself to get out of this.

The sound his stomach was making reminds him that he forgot to eat breakfast, Killua makes his way back down to the lobby and over to the hotels restaurant, he finds himself a seat and orders a stack of chocolate covered pancakes with a dollop of double chocolate chip ice cream on the top, he wolfs it down quicker than he ordered it because Killua always had very little self control when it came to chocolate, in his satisfied state he leans back on his chair and stares at the restaurants ceiling, taking in the painted mural for a moments and lets his mind drift,would Gon even recognise me? _Would I even recognise Gon? I wonder if he's as tall as me,_ Killua see's how much he's changed in the last 5 years but it only now occurs to him that chances are Gon's probably changed a lot too, he spends a minute or two trying to invision what Gon would look like now after all these yearsbefore he pulls himself to his feet and decides he should retire back to his room, he pauses when he sees a woman running through the lobby towards the exit, Killua noticed her wallet slip out of her back pocket in her haste and he rushed to pick it up before chasing her all the way to the exit and calling out to her

"Excuse me Miss! Wait up! You dropped this!"

" _WHAT_ DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

 _Woops_ , Killua realises his mistake as soon as the man in question flips around to face him (his hair almost whipping Killua across the face in the process) and shoots him a vicious glare. The man snatches the wallet out of Killua's hand, still holding his stare, he's clearly insulted

"Sorry" Killua started "it's just your erm, your hair, I thought you were.."

"You thought I was a woman?!" the man bit back

"Well you can't blame me Jeez! Why are you getting so worked up? If anything it's a compliment"

"Acompliment? Please enlighten me as to how on Earth that was a compliment"

"Well you know!" Killua stammered "it's just that you're, you know...pretty"

The man in question was clearly taken aback by that last part, murderous gleam fading into a smug grin. He had long blonde hair that reached a little lower than his shoulder blades, his body was slender and his features were delicate and soft, his eyes were dark and piercing, his lips were plump and dusted pink. He was clearly beautiful, a model example of the perfect Omega, (if Killua couldn't tell by the way this guy looked then the overbearing scent was enough to confirm it)

"Listen" The man began "I'm very flattered but I'm not interested"

"WHAT?! I wasn't hitting on you!"

"Yeah right, you're practically drooling" the man giggled

Had it not been for the amount of people in the lobby Killua would have punched the smug look right off this guys face, sure he called him pretty but he didn't mean anything by it, this guy was nowhere near Killua's type, way to small and feminine for his taste, Killua had a very specific type and this guy definitely didn't fit the bill

"Listen _princess_ " Killua spat through gritted teeth "I was only trying to be nice, not to burst your bubble but you're the exact opposite of the kind of person i'd want to hit on"

The man sniggered and rolled his eyes " _Oh please"_ he responded in a mocking tone before flicking his hair back, spinning around and strutting his way out through the exit

Killua wanted to chase him out the door and bitch slap him across the sidewalk but he opted to stomp back up to his room instead, he had more pressing matters on his mind, he reminds himself why he's here in the first place and a new wave of panic washes over him.

In his agitated state Killua decides he needs to do something to calm his nerves, he considers finding the nearest bar and drinking his anxiety away but the omega in him decides it'll be much nicer to draw a hot bath, light some scented candles and soak all his worries away.

Once he's done pampering himself Killua slips into a clean outfit, sinks into the bed and starts flicking through the channels until he finds something decent enough to pass the time. His mind drifts back to the day he and Gon met, the first time he looked into those big bright golden eyes, the first time Gons smile pierced through his icy walls, he remembers the first time he saw Gon sleeping, how the sun beaming through the cracks in the blinds bounced off his face and illuminated every freckle and Killua would wonder if he could count them all before Gon woke up, he remembers how he'd sometimes feel Gons arm snake around his waist while they were sleeping, how Gons hand would always come to rest on top of his while they were watching TV and how...

A door slamming snapped him out of his Daze. _Gons back, holy shit._ The reality that all that's separating Killua and his estranged best friend is a single wall quickly sinks in and Killua's sweating bullets. He closes his eyes, and breathes slowly, he needs to stay calm, he can't let his emotions take over, he jumps to his feet because he knows if he doesn't get the hell up and do this now then he never will, he can just stay holed up in this room until Gon leaves and he'll never have to think about him again, but that's not true, because even if he doesn't see him today Gon will always be on his mind, he's thought about Gon everyday since they last saw each other and that wasn't going to change any time soon. Killua gathers himself, opens the door and steps out of his room, he stands outside Gons door and knocks three times

"It's open!"

 _Jesus Christ, was that Gon? When did his voice get so deep_

Killua takes another inhale and raps on the door more violently this time

"Dude! I said it's open just come in!"

 _Should I just go in? He obviously doesn't know it's me, wouldn't it be kinda weird? To just waltz on in to and confront him in his hotel room after all these years_

Before Killua notices his hands are already moving on their own and he's turning the handle, he keeps his eyes trained firmly on his feet as he slips into the room, he gently kicks the door closed behind him with the back of his heel. When he looks up he's greeted by the sight of Gons bare back as he's leaning over the bed stuffing his clothes into the duffle bag that's sitting on top of the covers. And thank god Gon has his back to him cus' Killua's jaw is practically on the floor and his eyes are blown so wide they're millimetres away from bursting through their sockets

 _Say something Killua, say something! Anything! For gods sake focus!_

He mentally scolded himself for staring but he can't snap out of it because _when the hell did Gon get so big_?Killua damn near drooled because the way Gons back muscles were flexing while he shuffled around was way too distracting

"Gon?"

Gon spun around so quickly Killua took a step back feeling mildly threatened by the sudden movement but before Gon could protest to someone he wasn't expecting being in his room he found himself frozen, rendered motionless, he wanted to say something but his mouth and brain seemed to have fallen out of sync because all he could seem to muster was a surprised gasp and then nothing...just silence

 _Am I dreaming?, this can't be real, there's no way he's here, in my room, no way, I'm imagining things...is that really him?_

Gon, in his state of shock could do nothing except take in everything that was Killua, he wanted to move, he wanted to leap forward, wrap his arms around him and pull him close, he wanted to tell him how much he's missed him and how sorry he is for being soweakbut all he could do was stare in awe, he noted how tall Killua had gotten, not quite as tall as him but still, Killua was long and lean, he'd grown his hair, not too long, it sat just above his shoulders, still as white and wild as it used to be, he watched as Killua shuffled nervously and brushed a strand of it behind his ears, he locked eyes with him, both parties too entranced to look away, Killua's eyes were as azure and piercing as ever and Gon felt like he'd been hypnotized, he grimaced at how after all these years he wasstillspellbound by those eyes and he swallowed audibly because _Killua was gorgeous_ and Gon was buckling under the pressure

Killua was just as tongue tied, he shoved his hands into his pockets because he didn't want Gon to notice that they were shaking but Gons eyes were _everywhere_ and this was doing nothing to calm Killua's nerves. All he could think was,are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?! How is this fair? is the universe out to punish me?

He didn't know what he was expecting when he finally saw Gon again but he definitely wasn't expecting to find him shirtless sporting a body fit for the gods, Gon had grown...a lot, he was muscular and chiselled, like his body had been sculpted from marble, his eyes still glowed and his skin still glistened, the fact that he was coated in a light sheen of sweat wasn't helping Killua's predicament. When they locked eyes Killua could have sworn the world around him lit up, Gon has always had that effect, he was still the human embodiment of the Sun.

"Killua?"

Killua was snapped out of his trance like state when Gon finally broke the awkward silence

"It's been a while Gon"

"You look nice"

"I look nice?"

"Uhm, yeah, I mean you-"

"I look _nice_?!" Killua yelled this time

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend y-"

"Are you trying to piss me off?!" Killua cut him off again "After all these years, after what you did, and all you can come up with is 'you look nice'" Killua couldn't supress the anger that was bubbling up, he wasn't expecting himself to react this way when he confronted Gon but something inside of him was on _fire_ and he couldn't bite back the malice he was feeling in this moment, everything he had felt that day when Gon stood him up was resurfacing and all the words he didn't want to say were coming out on their own accord "You're an asshole! You fucking suck! I wasn't expecting you to fall to your knees and beg for my forgiveness but for fuck sake Gon at least try to look the least bit sorry, you really don't care do you?!"

"Killua, i'm s-"

"NO!" he screamed "NO, shut up! I don't want to hear it now, you just keep your god damn mouth shut" Killua breathed deeply and clenched his fists so tight his nails drew blood from his palms "Do you have any idea what you did to me?! What I went through because of you?! You fucking destroyed me Gon, you have no idea how that felt! You were my best friend! We went through so much together, we survived a fucking _war_ together!" Killua couldn't stop himself now, he hadn't planned on letting it all out like this, but he just couldn't stop the way the words were jumping from his tongue and darting straight for Gon, his internal screaming had started projecting outward, his voice kept getting louder and louder, his ears started ringing, his nen was flaring and the ceiling lights were flickering violently "How could you? I trusted you! You bastard! I might be a piece ofshitbut I didn't deserve to be thrown away like that! Didn't I even deserve an explanation? Am I not even worthy of that? Did I really mean so little to you that you thought it would be okay to drop me out of your life like that, like I was the shit on your shoe?! How was it so easy for you to just delete my existence from your mind! You meanteverythingto me and you tricked me into thinking you gave a damn about me too!"

Killua tried and failed to fight back the tears stinging his eyes and waited for Gon to say something, but he didn't. Killua dropped his head in defeat, he wanted to scream at him again but when he opened his mouth the words came out low and chocked "Well, aren't you going to say something? Aren't you going to defend yourself or try and calm me down? Do you even care?"

"Idocare"

When Gon finally spoke his voice was bearly a whisper "you have every right to be mad at me and I deserve it" Gon stepped closer forcing Killua to avert his gaze from the floor back up to Gon "I'm sorry Killua, I'm _so_ sorry, I haven't earned your forgiveness yet so if you want to yell at me some more then go ahead...I don't deserve to ask you for anything, but Killua...please, _please_ let me at least try to make this right"


	4. You're 1 insult away from starting a war

Killua sucks in a sharp breath, balls his fists and clenches his eyes shut, only when Gon had started talking did it dawn on Killua that he had just completely unravelled, he spent all day trying to diffuse his nerves only to explode right in front of Gon, _so much for calm and collected_ he thought to himself, he's racking his brain, searching for a way to take back all the words that had just spilled from his mouth, a wave of embarrassment washes over him and a pink blush creeps from his cheeks all the way up to the tips of his ears. If the earth opened up right beneath his feet Killua would gladly embrace the fall.

He releases the breath he'd been holding, unclenched his fists and opened his eyes

"I...I didn't mean to...fuck...sorry"

And with that Killua turns on his heel, bolts out of Gons room and back into his own before throwing himself face down onto into the mattress

To say Gon was perplexed was an understatement, he sits himself onto the edge of the bed, scratches at his head and tries to piece together what had just happened, he knows Killua is in the room next to him now and he falters for a moment before bringing himself back to his feet. Killua had taken the first step, it's only fair that Gon meets him half way, and after all he'd done, it's the least he can do. He makes his way to Killua's door and gently knocks, when he hears no answer he decides to let himself into the room, coming to a stop at the foot of Killua's bed and forcing a cough to announce his presence, an unnecessary cough because Killua knows he's there, he just refuses to unbury his face from the pillow

"Killua...I'm a bit confused"

 _Idiot, you're always confused_

"Why did you leave?"

 _Please for the love of god, fuck off!_

"I think we should talk, properly, without all the yelling...n-not that I mind! You can yell at me if you want to, but I still think we should talk, maybe when you've cooled off, as cute as you are when you're angry I don't think it's a good idea to do this until you've calmed down"

Killua snarled and let out an audible growl _well if you think that was cute then get ready cus' I'm about to be fucking gorgeous!_

"Ah, sorry!" Gon was shuffling backwards and holding his palms up, not that Killua could see " I didn't mean it to come out like that! I'm no good with words... I'm an idiot"

Killua realised he was grinding his teeth in frustration, he unclenched his jaw but remained firmly buried, he knew if he turned to face him he might explode with rage again and he was still reeling with embarrassment from his last outburst. He steadied his breathing and remained silent

Gon let out a sigh, disappointed at the lack of any reply and continued "There's a cafe down the street, right on the corner, it's pretty quiet in their and the food's good, I'm gonna go and wait for you, in case you want to talk" Gon started towards the door and turned his head back to look over his shoulder while he turned the handle "I really hope you show up"

Killua shot up the second the he left the room and lunged his pillow at the door, knowing Gon would have heard the thud, he fought back the scream that was itching his throat. _That fucking jackass, I should stand him up! Give him a taste of his own medicine._ He got up and started pacing the floor, carding his fingers through his hair while he absorbed what had just happened, he took himself to the bathroom sink and splashed his face with water before backing up until he was pressed against the wall and he was sinking down, burying his face into his hands. Analysing his situation wasn't helping, so instead Killua cleared his mind, he relaxed into himself and let his eyes flutter shut, he drowned out the sound of the dripping tap, of the muffled voices coming from the TV, the foot steps and giggling coming from the room above him, the steady traffic and hustle of the outside world coming from the barely open window and instead he listened to his breathing as it slowed, he listened to his heart beat steadying in his chest, to his blood flowing peacefully and rhythmically through his veins and he bought himself back to sanity, to serenity, to calm.

He'd be kidding himself if he said he was going to leave Gon hanging, as much as he wanted to watch him choke on his own medicine all this would have been for nothing if Killua didn't face him, but it wouldn't hurt to leave him reeling for a while, so Killua spent the next hour and a half doing a whole lot of nothing before he started making his way to the cafe, Killua strolled slowly and nonchalantly down the street before he reached the cafe on the corner, it was rustic, in a good way, big oak doors open wide, wooden floorboards and furniture, dimly lit with various oddities hanging from the walls, there was a bike mounted above the wall menu behind the counter and a ceramic bust of a rhinoceros head mounted on one wall...to name just a couple, he was greeted with a warm smile from the lady collecting empty cups from the tables and replied with a gentle nod before making his way towards the back of the cafe where he could see Gon already standing and pulling out a chair for him, Killua fought hard to cling to the state of zen he'd achieved but he was already faltering, darting his eyes in every direction but Gon's, he only let his eyes make contact with his when he sank down into his seat.

"So" Gon began "How have you been?"

Killua crossed his legs, folded his arms and huffed in response

Gon visibly deflated and leaned over the table as an attempt to draw some of Killua's attention "Please talk me, I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you"

"And I'm trying to subtly avoid it"

Gon was slightly taken back, but he was glad Killua was finally talking again "That's not true" he whined "If you didn't want to talk to me you wouldn't have come here"

He had a point, "Fine, since you're so eager to _talk_ then tell me, why did you cut me off?"

Gon let out a deep sigh "The thing is, I don't really know"

Killua threw his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose "Gon" Killua raised his free hand and held his thumb and index finger about half an inch from each other "I am _this_ close to losing my shit, what the hell do you mean you don't know"

Gon held up his hands and waved them frantically "No don't do that, my ears are still ringing from the last time!"

Killua slammed his fist into the table and leaned over "You are one insult away from starting a war"

Gon let out a nervous laugh "sorry, I told you already, I'm no good with words"

Killua leant back into his seat and willed his body to relax into it before Gon started talking again "I was young, and stupid, I didn't really know what I thinking or why I did it" _liar_ "But that doesn't mean I'm not sorry now, by the time I'd realized what I'd done I thought it was too late, and that you'd never want to talk me again, I don't know how but I really want to fix this"

The waitress strolled over and placed two steaming cappuccinos on the table "I got yours with extra sugar, I imagine you haven't outgrown your sweet tooth" Gon said with a faint grin, and Killua couldn't help but grin back

"Okay then big guy" he said while wrapping long pale fingers around his coffee cup "how do we fix this"

"Well" he said while bringing his palm up to the back of his neck and rubbing nervously "I haven't figured that part out yet, but I think we need to make an effort to hang out, so much time has passed, we have a lot we need to catch up on, and I doubt it's doable over one coffee"

Killua desperately tried to focus on what Gon was saying but the second he started rubbing his neck his scent flooded Killua's senses, he felt a whine creeping up his throat in response and he cursed himself _for itfuck keep together! He still doesn't know you're an omega_

"Killua?"

Killua didn't realise he'd closed his eyes and Gons voice snapped him back to reality, he flinched at the sound and knocked his cappuccino cup over, Gon shot to his feet when the burning liquid seeped through his trousers and Killua sounded off in a chorus of 'sorry shit sorry fuck' before Gon burst into a fit of laughter so loud his voice was echoing and before he knew it Killua was joining him, their laughter mixing together delightfully, it was a sound so vague and yet so familiar, and for a moment they were both 14 again basking in the sound of each others joy like nothing had changed, they were both clutching at their stomachs and wiping the tears from their eyes before Gon spoke

"I've missed this"

"Yeah" Killua said whilst resting his chin into his hand "me too"

"So" Gon began "What's new with you?"

"Well, nothing really" Killua twirled a strand of hair around his finger and pushed it behind his ear "Alluka's still at that school so I work a lot to pay for it, I'm pretty sure Illumi's lost my trail because I haven't heard from him or sensed his presence in years, Lex is still working at the same bar, so things are pretty much the same"

"Oh right" Gon's gaze dropped for a moment and he let out a wobbly breath before bringing his gaze back up and painting on a fresh smile "So, things are going well with you and _her_ I take it"

"Well sure, I mean we fight sometimes but considering how much time we spend together that's normal, it's never anything serious enough that we can't shake it off. How about you? What's new in your world?"

"Me? Well not much, unless I'm on a job or at the gym I usually just hang out at home with Felix"

"Who's that like your cat or something?"

"Ah, no, I erm, well he's kind of like my boyfriend"

 _Did he just say boyfriend?_ And suddenly everything was black and grey again, there were a hundred things Killua could have said in that moment but instead he yelled

"YOU'RE GAY?!"

"Christ Killua! Yes shush!"

He clasped his hands over his mouth too late because he'd already caught the attention of everyone in the cafe but his mind was swimming, he tried to come off uninterested but he had far too many questions for that "Since when?"

"What kind of question is that? Since forever I guess, why are you so shocked?"

"Cus' you're such a _guy_ , and you come off super straight"

"Well you come off super gay, but it just goes to show you can't judge a book by it's cover"

 _Wait...what?...Gon thinks I'm straight?_

"So who is this guy? Do I know him?"

"He's my room mate, same one as before, we only started dating recently"

"Oh, okay. I erm, well i'd love to meet this guy" _that was a lie_ "Maybe you could both come over, we could all hang out or something" Killua was desperately trying to hold back a snarl, his biology threatening to betray him because the omega in him was on fire and images of himself standing over Gon's bloodied and brokenboyfriendwere playing out in his mind like a movie. But he had to keep a cool front, not let the facade slip even for a moment, Gon thought Killua was a beta and it was better things stay that way.

"What like the four of us?" Gon said "Like a double date kind of thing?"

"Double date?"

"Yeah, me and Felix, and you and Lex"

 _Ohhhhhh, that's why this idiot thinks I'm straight, he thinks Lex is my girlfriend_

Killua was about to correct Gon, but something inside him was protesting, Killua wasjealous, all these years he pined after Gon in private, never letting his secret out because he didn't want to ruin what they had, and now he was finding out not only that Gon was gay but he already had a boyfriend. It was stupid, very very stupid, he regretted it before he even said it, but his mouth was moving on it's own

"Sure! A double date would be cool, you guys could even come and stay a few days, we have the room" _IDIOT WHY DID YOU SAY THAT_

"Really?" Gon was beaming that blinding smile "I'd love that! Hold on let me text Felix"

For the second time that day Killua wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole, Gon was busy tapping away at his phone with a face like a kid in a candy store whilst Killua was on the other side of the table silently having an existential crisis. _It was hard enough having to pretend to be a beta, now I have to pretend to be straight AND make it look like Lex is my girlfriend, how the hell am I going to pull this off?! He's going to find out I lied and think I'm even more of a psycho, what the hell is wrong with me?_

"Okay!" Gon broke the silence "Felix is in! He's on his way here now, shall we leave today? Did you drive here?"

"No, I took a cab"

"You still haven't got your license Killua? Well you can direct me and I'll drive, is it far?"

 _Can he wipe that stupid exited smile off his face already_. Killua painted on a smile of his own, because if he didn't Gon might become suspicious "Yeah I guess I just prefer being driven around, it's not too long of a drive from here"

Killua was pissed, but the way Gon was smiling at him had him melting and the fake smile he was sporting was quickly becoming more genuine, that was until it fell into frown because an all too familiar scent was assaulting his senses _omega_

"Oh hey! Felix! Over here!" Gon was standing and waving him over but Killua needed a moment to gather himself because _his boyfriend is a fucking omega?! Is he for real? After all those things he said about omegas, like we were gross and repulsive and now he's fucking one?!!_ Killua took a deep breath in and wiped away his scowl before turning to greet this 'Felix' guy and both him and Killua gasped at the sight of each other before yelling in unison

"YOU?!"

"Wait" Gon said, eyes squinting accusingly "You two know each other?"

"Yeah, this guy hit on me in the lobby earlier" Felix said whilst placing his hand on his hip and flashing Killua a smirk

"I told you I was not fucking hitting on you!"

"You called me pretty! I know a pick up line when I hear one"

" _That_ was not a pick up line, and I only called you pretty cus I thought you was a girl, I told you already, you're not my type and even if you were I'd rather chew my arm off than touch you with a barge pole you narcissistic bitch"reel it in Killua, your omega is showing

"Felix I think you got the wrong end up of stick, Killua's straight"

"HA!" Felix threw his arms back a little too dramatically "Yeah right, I'll believe that when pigs fly"

"It's true!" Gon argued "he has a girlfriend and everything"

"You're kidding me?...seriously? But look at him he's gay as fuck"

"Felix!"

"Ugh fine, whatever you say"

"So" Felix turned his attention back to Killua "I guess we _may_ have gotten off on the wrong foot, since were gonna be spending the next few days together we should probably bury whatever animosity is lingering here and start again"

Killua had his eyes closed, he didn't trust himself not to attack if he opened them and he was sure he was oozing bloodlust. Gon and Felix looked at him perplexed for a moment before Killua snapped his eyes back open and spoke

"Are you both all packed? We should leave soon"


End file.
